Seasons Grievings
‘Tis the season of joy, laughter, love, and grief. That took a dark turn didn’t it? Well, good. Because dark is what we speciaize in here at Shadow Mind. Sure, this is a wonderful time of the year for many, but for some it’s a reminder of how much they’ve lost and how much they don’t have. It’s a time of self-anguish and pity. And you thought this was going to be an uplifting post, I’m sure. But, the harsh reality we all face is we all have this darkness inside of us. We don’t necessarily show it to everyone, including ourselves. But it’s there lurking in the background like a predator that waits for its prey. It will eventually take all of us, if we aren’t careful. The lack of acknowledgement doesn’t mean lack of existence and, as the saying goes, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
Time to get a bit personal here so bear with me. Most of my major losses have come around the holidays. From my grandma who, for all intents and purposes, raised me to my parents who supported me, in their own ways. I used to love Christmas time because it brought about the best in people. The potential I see in them generally shines brighter at Christmas time. But as my Christmas’ get darker, I lean more on the Enneagram to light up my own potential. As a five my challenges come with understanding I don’t have to know everything or learn more about something in order to act. While grieving is a process, it is less of a formula and more of a cycle. We move in and out of different stages and there’s no specific way to grieve. The information is plentiful, but the lack of clear application is terrifying for a five. And as much as you can learn about grief itself, understanding the Enneagram helps you see how your type reacts to stress, such as the grieving process. For me, as a five, it’s about addressing the emotions rather than avoiding them, which is something a five isn’t naturally gifted at. But the Enneagram helps navigate the waters of mental wellness and helps us apply all the tools we have to best complements our type.
The Enneagram is not a life hack. It’s not a shortcut to get quick results. The Enneagram, like grieving, is a process. There’s always more to learn about yourself or things that will inevitably come up that you will have to address. It is through the use of the Enneagram that we can harness these qualities to create the best version of ourselves not just for us, but also for our relationships. That means not just embracing those favorable qualities, but understanding those shadow qualities that we try to hide from everyone–including ourselves.
Personally, I tend to distract myself with self-indulgences. Whether that be reading a non-fiction book, playing video games, and I binge watch TV shows in hopes to better understand how others handle their emotions. While, yes, they are just characters, skilled writers both entertain and demonstrate healthy qualities. In my experience, they create ideal versions of the characters and often demonstrate both emotionally healthy and unhealthy behaviors. The general push back you hear when relating to these qualities are, “It’s just a TV show” or “This isn’t how people are in real life” or “Problems like these can’t be solved in 30 minutes”. While all of that is true, in some cases those are just excuses or we genuinely think these shows are purely entertainment. But two things can be true at once. They can both be entertaining and, on some level, educational. As a writer, I can tell you most of the things I have my characters deal with are real life scenarios that I research to learn how should handle them, such as grief. That’s why I lean on these things. Not just because I want a mental break, which I do sometimes, but also because they are capable of teaching important lessons, such as maintaining relationships and handling difficult emotions. That’s my crutch. One thing all fives should learn is it doesn’t matter how much information you have, you have to act on it for it to be useful in anyway.
In all of this though, I’ve noticed a correlation between the characters that we gravitate toward and our Enneagram types. Not just with me, but also people I know. While this correlation doesn’t equal causation, it still demonstrates a pattern for investigation. I argue, much of the time we latch onto characters that reflect our type, or the ideal versions of us. This isn’t a slam dunk, obviously, but we can see both the healthy and unhealthy behaviors of our types in these characters. In order to decipher it, however, we have to understand both the Enneagram and basics of mental wellness. I’ve taken the liberty of identifying some of these characters and including them in my descriptions of each type. It’s a great jumping off point and I highly recommend reviewing and seeing which one resonates with you the most. But that’s only the beginning. Understanding the Enneagram better will help you actualize what you see.
This is where coaching becomes really useful. Think of your Enneagram coach as a knowledgeable friend that can help you navigate difficult situations. While we may not always have all the answers you seek, it is helpful to get a fresh perspective, which is another offering of the Enneagram. A mental wellness coach can take it one step further. Not only can they help you with the Enneagram, but they can also help you utilize other tools to support your mental health journey. If you’re struggling this time of year, know that you’re not alone. And while there is no formula or magic wand to wave making everything OK, there are tools at your disposal. I think we all want healthier relationships, I know I do, and understanding yourself is the best way to get there. Please set up an appointment, if you’d like to learn more about how Shadow Mind Mental Wellness can help you on your journey to become the best version of yourself.
We will be examining how each type reacts under stress, like grief, in our TikTok this holiday season. Follow us there for more mental wellness videos.
Happy Holidays!
